HOW TO SAY "NO" TO YOUR CHILDREN!

  Parents can easily say "no" 200-300 times a small child for a day. After a barrage of "no's", a child can become so immune to suffering for listening. Obviously, a parent should set limits, but it is also essential to show empathy to do so. Teaching children to face the endless disappointments, losses and frustrations of life with determination and discipline is what helps build a strong ego! Even if they grumble, get angry and accuse you of being the cruelest father in the world, they - one day - appreciate the fact that you cared enough to protect them. Also, keep its principles in the face of threats and bargain gifts of them will help you resist the temptations and problems that will inevitably encounter.

Here are some suggestions to put into practice with small children:

1 - Say "yes" part - Concorde with some of what she wants, such as:
"Yes, you can go barefoot - when the weather is warmer, but now it's cold and you need to keep your feet warm with socks and shoes."
"Yes, you can go out - after your room is in order."
"You can roll the ball on the ground, but throw the ball just out there."
"You can hit / pinch / squeeze the pillow - but not the baby."

2 - Give a brief explanation of your feelings - Some children take longer to develop empathy. Without much drama, let them know that:
"I want to hear you, but my ears hurt when you talk like that. Please use your grown-up voice and say again what it means to me. "
"I'd love to go, but my legs are very tired. It seems that my batteries need to be recharged. If I rest, then we can leave. "
"I also used to like fast food and it was hard to let go, but I like you enough to want eat healthy foods."

3 -Talk to the body part - Children often make something obsessive and have trouble stopping what they are doing. As they like to give orders, tell them to order the body part that is "acting" to stop. Tell the child:
Tell your mouth: "Stop biting" Or, "Stop talking!"
Tell your hand: "Stop beating!"
Tell your leg, "Stop kicking!"
Tell your hand: "Do not hit! Be good! "

Teens:
Say NO to a teenager can arouse a storm of reactions and test the limits the forces of his own ego. Most teenagers hate to feel dependent on her parents and thinks it is much smarter and "cool" they. Teens who are terrified of being rejected, mocked and set aside can not call what you think; all that matters is not to feel a stranger among the friends. To establish the individual's identity (and often earn points with colleagues), they rebel against their parents, discuss with them about everything and make them shut up. The stubbornness often takes the place of understanding. The petulance gives them the illusion of power and independence, as "I do not need my parents."

During this difficult period, parents are also going through their own crises - financial, emotional and often physical too. You may not have the patience or the strength to set boundaries. It may seem easier to give. Remember, your ability to stand firm will be respected - later!

- And actually shows how much you care.

When you need to set limits, avoid sarcasm or use names, especially "selfish, spoiled, lazy, relaxed, crazy, stupid," etc. Even if you think that these words reflect the truth, keep your opinions to yourself, because express them will cause serious damage later. If you speak when you are angry, probably will exaggerated threats such as, "You're grounded until you get married!" And the punishment will be harder for you than for them, as they tap their feet, are muted, threaten and create energy negative as a nuclear reactor. When you talk, avoid condescending looks or gestures (like turning the eyes, hands on hips or sit back. Your task is to be like a police guard, establishing rules and giving "fines" appropriate in the most dispassionate and emotionally neutral way.

Teenager # 1: "Everyone goes to this party. Do not believe you will not let me go. "

Father: "I understand how you feel, but my job is to keep you safe."

Or: "I know how much you want to be independent and how these events are exciting. However, this is my decision, period. "

(Do not say, "You're crazy, I do not care what your friends are Anyway, it's a lie Not everyone is going!.!")

Teenager # 2: "I have to do everything in this house! I'm not your slave. I never have a free moment. Why do not you ask someone else to do these idiots work? "

Father: "I definitely want to discuss this with you. . When you are ready to talk without yelling at me, let me know "" The rule is that your clothes should be in the basket, or will not be washed. "Or," I see you're upset, but I will not listen unless speak to me . more respectful way "" I see how it is under pressure with all this evidence, but a good preparation for adult life is how to make a meal:. (rise time, iron your clothes and clean your own room) "
A huge spiritual strength to stay in control during those hours and not take the attacks and profanity them it personally is needed. Maybe you need a therapist to help you deal with their own feelings or suffering, rejection and abandonment, for your own pain does not reflect on their children. If you keep one's equanimity, your child will eventually calm down and your relationship will improve gradually.

Even if it takes ten or twenty years for that teenager "grow" the strength you show will strengthen it. However, if your child is acting destructively with others or to himself, if stays up all night and sleeps all day, or shows signs of being addicted (in food, Internet, shopping, etc.), without eating, or anxious as to not work, these are clear signs that he needs outside help.
Drajosiane Odila